Why am I doing this? Why do I keep doing this? Is it worth it for me to keep doing this? OK… YOU don’t have to answer the questions, but I had to answer them with regards, to my faith in Christ in order to make meaning of where I was coming from, and to understand towards whom and where I am headed… My journey has taken me hither and thither, but finally led me back to Christ and His love and His Word… This was, and is a scary journey for me which is why I probably why I initially didn’t want to face it because I knew it WOULD rock everything I knew or thought I knew… I started by asking myself some questions that form the BEDROCK of my faith, and I knew that if I could answer these questions, I would be well on my way to knowing where to go from there…
These are the questions I started asking myself which led to some pretty dramatic changes in my life:
1. What does this being ‘born-again’ thing mean to me?
2. What exactly have I been born into?
3. What IS The Kingdom of God, and why should I seek it first?
4. Does living in God’s Kingdom start here on earth, or are we ‘born-again’ to endure here, until we get to the ‘palace’ in the over yonder.
The Holy Spirit stripped me, helped me, is still helping me, prodded me, is still prodding me, pruned me, and is still pruning me. He is now building me back up to the ‘who’ that I am. It’s not always pretty or tidy, but it always me, and not a “piously christianized’ hologram.
Now for me, merely being in a church building or just attending a service does not form the basis for my fulfillment. My hope is built on the Truth that Jesus loves me, that I am saved and that I can live in Heaven right here on Earth, and not think that to gain heaven, I have to suffer through life on earth. He is showing me His way of being, doing and living; He is MAKING me LIE down in green pastures… He is restoring my SOUL!
I have been freed from a superficial performance-based existence in a quasi-politico-religious, rat race cum social ladder climbing world of ‘churchworkerdom’. He is teaching me to do not my will, but His. I now question EVERYTHING and regard myself, (have to reckon myself) a Word ‘virgin’ EVERY TIME I come into contact with the Word that I may know Him and Him alone. Radical I know, but this is what I had to do: I had to die so that I could begin to live again…
◄ John 11:25 ►
Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:
PS I do appreciate my church family, but for me, being a child of my Father is what makes anyone my family.